iki_teru: (TBBT// Kill The Batman)
[personal profile] iki_teru
Ya'll. this was too redonk not to share



cullingsongx3 10:26 pm
like, facebook is for irl people i don't like but feel obligated to acknowledge
twitter is for irl people i like and the occasional fandomer who cares about what i have to say other than ranting about my otps
and tumblr is just the clusterfuck of whatever is going through my brain at any given moment. but the real life people must NEVER KNOW.

Iki Teru 10:28 pm
twitter is fb's little sister who is legit cooler than fb but fb refuses to acknowledge her.

Iki Teru 10:29 pm
tumblr is the cousin who nobody can really figure out what to do with so everyone smiles politely when he's in the room
and lj is the crazy old uncle in the corner who smells like tuna but he has great stories so fuck. whatever. he can come over for the barbeques just keep him out of the boonesfarm

cullingsongx3 10:30 pm
facebook was so popular in high school and twitter was constantly in his shadow but once she got there she was ten times cooler than he ever was and now fb is like grumble grumble and twitter gives no fucks

Iki Teru 10:30 pm
and facebook STILL goes on about how cool he was in high school
like all the damn time

cullingsongx3 10:30 pm
lj's been hitting the drink pretty hard, tho, so half the stuff that comes out nowadays is completely ridiculous
fb still hangs out with him at reunions though because he'll sit and listen about his glory days without bringing twitter into the conversation

Iki Teru 10:31 pm
yea but he's still kind of charming in that random way and he's family you know? and he doesn't really mean to hurt anyone. he's just crazy old uncle lj
and he scares the kids. which is always good for a laugh.

cullingsongx3 10:31 pm
(he doesn't think he remembers that twitter is no longer in utero)
fb gets a sick sort of indulgence out of it when lj starts screaming at the nephews
myspace and xanga are too old to walk unassisted and they just sort of sneer at everyone and are like I BUILT THIS FAMILY

Iki Teru 10:33 pm
BACK IN MY DAY WE HAD TO CODE OUR LAYOUTS OURSELVES

cullingsongx3 10:33 pm
WHAT IS THIS RICH TEXT BULLSHIT
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW CSS

Iki Teru 10:33 pm
YOU DON'T KNOW CSS YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS ON THE INTERWEBS YOUNG MAN

cullingsongx3 10:33 pm
YOU CALL YOURSELF A SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE
YOU ARE A DISGRACE

Iki Teru 10:34 pm
meanwhile youtube and deviantart are in the corner, necking because they're not really related but like. third cousin of a third cousin kind of situation and dA likes to show YT his art if you catch my meaning

cullingsongx3 10:35 pm
omg. last.fm walks in on them and is equal parts aroused and horrified because she was trying to play mrs. robinson on them

Iki Teru 10:36 pm
so she has to go tell her sister. pandora.
but swears her to keep it a secret

cullingsongx3 10:37 pm
which, pandora tells her that, but shit, this is not staying in the family. so she starts texting all the apple apps and half the droid ones
GUESS WHAT I JUST HEARD

Iki Teru 10:37 pm
and of course it gets back to facebook
who is horrified
HORRIFIED by what his family is doing
cousin kissing?? even if they're not actually related, they practically are DD:

cullingsongx3 10:38 pm
JESUS CHRIST AT LEAST WHEN I WAS POPULAR WE HAD DIGNITY
and he's like i didn't USE to be surrounded by so much bullshit
then he cries himself to sleep\
but tumblr is shipping yt/dA already

Iki Teru 10:39 pm
oh my god tumblr ships them so hard

cullingsongx3 10:39 pm
she's thinking of starting a fan comm

Iki Teru 10:39 pm
seven fancomms

cullingsongx3 10:39 pm
but then gets distraught thinking who would join them
but then does it anyway

cullingsongx3 10:39 pm
cross posts to twitter just 'cause

Iki Teru 10:40 pm
one for yt/dA one for dA/yt one for just gifs of them being cute, one for vids etc. etc

cullingsongx3 10:40 pm
omg
i don't think i can do this anymore
i am dead
d e a d
we are the most ridiculous humans
ily

Iki Teru 10:41 pm
dude. today nathan told me i was racist against plot device characters. because it's not their fault they're plot devices. circumstances HAPPEN and sometimes, they try to be a main character but they just can't because the system is against them.
if it ain't ridiculous, it ain't a convo worth having

Iki Teru 10:41 pm
(and ilu too. obv)
OH MAN WE FORGOT PINTEREST

cullingsongx3 10:42 pm
so i am like a social justice blogger for plot device characters
STOP STEREOTYPING THERE IS MORE THERE THAN CANON WANTS YOU TO SEE
lol pinterest
pinterest is the senile granny

Iki Teru 10:43 pm
who tries to diy shit for everyone

cullingsongx3 10:43 pm
she sits in the corner and knits

Iki Teru 10:43 pm
but sucks at it

cullingsongx3 10:43 pm
NONE OF HER SWEATERS LOOK LIKE SWEATERS

Iki Teru 10:43 pm
knits lumpy brown things and is like "here, dearie. i made you a sweater."

cullingsongx3 10:43 pm
NANA THAT CAN'T BE A HAT IT HAS ARMHOLES

Iki Teru 10:43 pm
but she's so nice and sweet and she does this despite her crippling arthritis in her thumbs. so everyone hugs her a lot and says thanks and takes pictures in it for her.

Iki Teru 10:44 pm
and then immediately throws it into the back of the closet, only to be pulled out on the days when she asks about it and they lie and are like "i just couldn't bear it if something bad happened to this lovely...thing."

cullingsongx3 10:44 pm
and lord the holidays when it's her turn to cook
EVERYTHING GOES WRONG but she never admits it
oh, i followed the recipe
it's supposed to be that way

Iki Teru 10:47 pm
"but nana. there's no rice in the rice dressing."

cullingsongx3 10:48 pm
facebook loves pinterest's cooking
he doesn't get why everyone is so negative
"you're the best, nana!"

Iki Teru 10:48 pm
ok. i'm hating facebook more an more.
he's such a brown noser

cullingsongx3 10:49 pm
right!

Iki Teru 10:49 pm
ugh. i think he wears sweater vests.
and khakis. like. all the time.

cullingsongx3 10:49 pm
just THINK of those ad companies he sucks up to all the time
pleated khakis
and loafers with no socks

Iki Teru 10:49 pm
and he's too tall for his pants
so his ankles always show

cullingsongx3 10:50 pm
ahhhhhhhhhhhh high waters
he would

Iki Teru 10:51 pm
and he has a bowl cut. :| i am imagining him way too well right now and i kind of want to punch him in the face/ draw him.

cullingsongx3 10:51 pm
i think facebook might be percy weasley

Iki Teru 10:51 pm
I THINK HE MIGHT
but without the redeeming bit in the end.

cullingsongx3 10:52 pm
yeah he's just all around terrible

Iki Teru 10:52 pm
MEANWHILE. twitter is precious and petite and has this adorable kind of off beat style.
lots of birds and a purse shaped like a whale. nobody knows why or where she got it from
and she wears knit caps and rocks them.

cullingsongx3 10:53 pm
oh god twitter is TINY
tumblr can't decide if she dresses like a hipster or an alexander mcqueen runway show

Iki Teru 10:53 pm
tumblr has Mood clothes. sometimes it's one thing. sometimes it's another thing.
like. tumblr just doesn't fit a mold. and doesn't think she should have to
so she just wears whatever is comfortable that day

cullingsongx3 10:54 pm
she's EXPRESSING herself

Iki Teru 10:54 pm
and some days that means sweats and a ratty old tee-shirt she stole from an ex and some days that means full prom regalia

cullingsongx3 10:54 pm
gosh y'all just lay off

Iki Teru 10:54 pm
and purple lipstick with lime green eyeshadow.
and some days it's just redonk sun dresses and cute shoes

cullingsongx3 10:55 pm
and sometimes topless in the streets

Iki Teru 10:55 pm
and sometimes topless in the streets!
god. especially during the summer
summer makes tumblr cranky
when the guys run by in just shorts and she's like "FUCK YOU ALL"
"JUST BECAUSE I HAVE TITS I DON'T GET TO ENJOY THE BREEZE? NO. JUST FUCKING NO"
and off goes the top

cullingsongx3 10:56 pm
people keep going outside and doing stuff, man! that's not how she operates! so fuck, she's juts gonna go make everyone else stare at her

Iki Teru 10:56 pm
(also. she owns one of those bras that doubles as a medical mask in emergency situations)

cullingsongx3 10:56 pm
IF I'M GOOD ENOUGH TO STARE AT WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO NOT DO HOMEWORK THEN YOU'RE DAMN WELL GONNA STARE WHILE YOU'RE HAVING YOUR FUN BEACH VACATION
omg
tumblr has the randomest coolest shit

cullingsongx3 10:56 pm
like the headphones that have wings
the green cube things that can make literally any furniture ever

Iki Teru 10:57 pm
oh my god her place is decked out in all the shit everyone else always wants but can never afford

cullingsongx3 10:57 pm
the nightlights that you can take into bed with you and cuddle

Iki Teru 10:57 pm
but nobody knows HOW SHE AFFORDS IT

cullingsongx3 10:57 pm
also most extensive collection of porn ever
just sayin
she's proud

Iki Teru 10:58 pm
but she's just like *shrug* i found it. seriously

cullingsongx3 10:58 pm
twitter and facebook all have policies against it

Iki Teru 10:58 pm
she alphabetized her porn.
and it's seperated by actress
because she's not in it for the guys. god. ew.

cullingsongx3 10:58 pm
and compiled a handy clickthrough list
!
that way she can share the love with everyone

cullingsongx3 10:59 pm
like, it's not their fault they're slaves to corporate america

Iki Teru 10:59 pm
anytime anyone complains that they feel stressed she's like "you know. i think i have just the porn for you."
and the thing is. she does. she really, really does

cullingsongx3 11:00 pm
"now, here's the bdsm section, and i have it organized by kink, and also the oral is split into cunnilingus, bjs, and rimming--wait, why are you making that face?"

Iki Teru 11:01 pm
dA loves borrowing porn fron tumblr because he's a perv of the highest caliber

cullingsongx3 11:01 pm
but then he tries to draw his own, and just copies the poses
and tumblr's like, GET REAL

Iki Teru 11:01 pm
dude. he just steals her porn

cullingsongx3 11:01 pm
EVERYONE KNOWS YOU TRACED IT

Iki Teru 11:01 pm
he might, MIGHT go in and change some colors around
maybe

cullingsongx3 11:02 pm
"look this is totally original, you can't PROVE ANYTHING"
"ain't no watermarks there"

cullingsongx3 11:08 pm
i am staring at this fic until it writes itself

Iki Teru 11:08 pm
aaaah. please let me know if you unlock that ability

cullingsongx3 11:08 pm
also i just realized i lost my philosophy syllabus
(i -think- drinking is the key but i have yet to find the perfect balance between sober and sleepy drunk)
ugh i hate it when they don't put the cheat codes in the walkthrough

Iki Teru 11:09 pm
this is what we get for using the free walkthrough =/ i bet the paid version is way more helpful

cullingsongx3 11:11 pm
but be for real, who ACTUALLY gets the paid version? like, two cool people for every bandwagoner who's like ooooooooooh i'm published don't you wish you could level up like me

Iki Teru 11:12 pm
the paid walk through is put out by facebook. that's why nobody can ever obtain it.
SEE THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL

cullingsongx3 11:12 pm
AHAHA

Iki Teru 11:12 pm
SAURON WISHES HE WAS THAT MUCH OF A BAD ASS

cullingsongx3 11:13 pm
sauron didn't have sponsors~

Iki Teru 11:13 pm
which is why he got his ass kicked by a fucking hobbit

cullingsongx3 11:14 pm
a hobbit with four fucking fingers and a mutated rat-hobbit thing
sauron step up your game pls


And if you actually read that, I AM PICTURING THESE GUYS SO HARD AND I CANNOT GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD AND I HATE THAT I'M NOT A BETTER ARTIST BECAUSE, YOU GUYS THEY NEED TO BE DRAWN.
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iki_teru

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